...and the Drama ensues

30/05: In Good Company

I love reading my friends blogs! I feel very important because all of my blogging friends are great writers and are very entertaining and/or passionately profound. I am important by association.

Are all bloggers good writers? Or do they become good because they blog?

I aspire to be a good blogger... But in reality, I would be content just to be able to blog in under an hour. (Over editing.) I have gotten better at spelling. But that is also because I have to send a lot of emails at work and don't want to look like stupid. Maybe sending work emails is why I over edit. Heaven knows I am rarely able to portray my true feelings and reactions in the business realm. People are morons.

Alas, I am the pitiful straggler in overalls that drags his stick in the dirt behind my sophisticated friends.

21/05: I'm Back!!

I finally remembered my password to get in here!! I've been trying for months! I have had so much to say and no avenue to say it. I have a myspace page but can't remember that password either.

Of course, now, everyone has forgotten about me so I am truely typing to myself. But really, what does it matter? This is such a narcisitic activity anyway. Oh well...someday someone will stumble across my thoughts.

Where to start...

I am momentarily experiencing a surge of adrenaline from frustration stemming from another blog I just read. AAAAAHHHHH!!!! It was from someone who is in the religious tradition I grew up with and it just reiterated why I ventured away...and then was locked out.

Disclaimer: This is general statement about a group of people and therefore it would not apply to everyone included in that group. And of course, you do not qualify.

You see - I was taught to put my faith in what I believed...instead of putting it into who I believed. Salvation came from correct doctrine. So I grew up constantly hearing about every flaw in every "denomination" and how they are all going to hell because they have that flaw. That one (at least) wrong belief.

One day I noticed some inconsistencies and went to figure out the truth myself. I examined the Scripture and I examined our logic regarding how we translated that Scripture. And it didn't match up. What I was taught didn't match up with what I was reading and it didn't even match up with itself.

So I set out to openly compare and contrast the other "denominations". I removed my predjudice to see their hearts and understand where their beliefs and practice emerged from. And even where our own had REALLY emerged from.

I came to the conclusion that just about every group had some kind of inherant obsession with certain parts of Scritpures and then conveniently ignored others. From this, I came to the realization that the necessity of grace was even more neccessary because there is no such thing as the "right" church.

The right "church" are those who produce fruit from following Christ. And salvation is not found through the sign on the door of your church and it isn't by trying to adhere to the doctrine you claim. Salvation is found in Christ himself.

I know that sounds basic but the sad truth is, regardless of your denomination, many people have yet to find the Christ they claim. They have found church or religion or doctrine - which in all fairness is much easier and more comfortable.

Honestly, when I stop to think about how spiritually close God is...that His breathe stirs the physical hairs on my head...I can understand why the Isrealites begged to have someone to stand between them and God. I think our faith in our doctrines is that same shield.

But through all of this, I came to understand that we are all on the same playing field. And the winning team would be a VERY small contingent from many DIFFERENT "denominations". So...since that was the case, I decided I might as well stay with what I know. (Of course this was after the initial self-righteous indignation towards those spiritual coaches who had perfected the art of indignant self-righteousness.)

However, according to them, to believe the wrong thing is to loose your salvation. And even though I did not practice differently or ask them too (I didn't), I became the "enemy". Now everything I say is tainted and cannot be considered because I have a flaw.

So to make a short story long...this this blog was continuing the tradition of maligning the the "denominations" because of a preceived poor judgement choice. This person judged them as self-seeking, inmature and impure because of one action as if they themselves are sinless and not capable of making poor choices. And that is why I was so hyped up at the start of this commentary. I was mad at the arrogance and ignorance of it all. The sheer audacity.

But I'm not mad now. I tend to edit myself so much that it takes at least an hour to write anything. So by now, my mood has totally changed. Now I'm sad. I am sad that I am viewed as the enemy. I'm sad because they do not know the amazing God I know. A God that would free them from the fear of failure and imperfection that comes from trying to save yourself by believing and practing the "right" things. Because if they did, they wouldn't have so much hate. And they wouldn't waste their time complaining about everyone else...

Crapola!!!!!!!! Damn mirror!

16/01: Failure might not be so bad

I recently went through a trial in my life. A trial that was suppose to mature me - help me rely on truth instead of emotion. Fact instead of feeling. It would have been a monumental turning point in my life - probably a turning point in my entire family history...but I failed miserably.

I knew the benefits of this trial shortly after it began but I honestly didn't have the desire to succeed. I chose to wallow rather than fight. I chose to be a victim when I didn't have to be. (You can obviously see the need for less emotional control.)

So now I am torn between two feelings. The first is obviously guilt. I feel I have to pay penance. Punish myself. Take the "appropriate" mourning period so I can truley regret my actions and show my remorse.

But at the same time I'm feeling an insane sense of joy. A strong motivation to put this all behind me and forget it. To be thankful that this trial is over and move on.

But then my childhood rearing screams that I am apathetic. That I am trying to hide or run away from my failure. After all, I saw the problem and the solution through the entire experience and ignored it. So obviously I have abused grace.

And no, I'm not proud of myself. But failure isn't the end. It's not the end of my character, it's not the end of my integrity, it's not the end of my fight.

I was going to say I didn't learn anything from the struggle itself. But maybe I did. Because now I don't want to rely on my emotions. I want to use my head and cling to the truth that I still have hope. And not just hope -I have the truth that success is waiting for me. That even though I may be a failure, my God is not. And that hope, that gift - is a powerful motivation.

I will conquer because I will continue.

24/10: Friends

I miss my friends. It seems I haven't been good at making any since college. Or at least I'm not very good at keeping in touch. It's sad. Who knew it would be so much work to make and keep good friendships when you got older? It seems like it should be the simplest thing in the world. But I guess everyone's life just gets in the way. Mine too. I guess I better fix it. But how do you know who will be a good friend and who will suck the life out of you? It doesn't seem like there are too many people who want new friends. You think they see me like that? I think I'm friend-ly. It's not 'lonely' here but I'm looking for that......connection. It's hard to find.

10/10: Food for thought

What is the difference between Sweet Potatoes and Yams? Aren't they the same thing? Both are great with butter and brown sugar. Although sweet potatoes usually come in a pie and yams come with marshmallows. Anyone know?

15/09: I was wrong

Ok, maybe you can still leave comments. From looking at it you can but Nath said he shut it off and I haven't been getting crappy emails so who knows. Try it and then we will know.

Also, per my list - Nathan said I can't buy everyone in a bar a drink. I'm not sure if this decision is based on money or the problems with alcohol but alas.....I guess I can give it up since I've never really been to a bar. I've been to a bar and grill but not a plain bar.

I got Lasik a week ago. Now my eye itches and I can't scratch it. It is quite distracting.

Any ideas for a fun baby shower? I'm going to host one in the very near future.

Ok, better get back to work.

Ciao!

15/09: Signs

I have shut off the ability to respond to my ramblings. I'm sorry but I was getting too much crap! So if you want to comment you will have to email me. That sucks but I was getting HUNDREDS of advertisements each day and I couldn't figure out how to block them all.

I wish I knew how to put pictures on here because I have seen some fabulous signs that I thought would be fun to share. Instead I'll just tell you what they said -

"I don't skinny dip, I chunky dunk!"

"Children left unattended will be given a cappaccino and a free puppy." Hee-hee! It's funny but only as it applies to other's children.

18/08: "The List"

I continue to be bombarded by stupid advertisers. I am getting more everyday. I now understand why people make up virus'. I wanna make a virus and destroy everyone/thing that sends me an email that is adverising something on my blog. Anyone?????

Let's see....

Today I am starting a list of "Things I want to do before I die…" I turn 30 this year so I have to take it to the next level. I am not having a mid-life crisis and I love my family and my life for the most part. But if you don't make goals then you will never accomplish anything. And I believe that God wants us to live life to the fullest. (Although I don't know if these goals are all related to what he meant but....) Anyway, you only get one life. Instead of having expectations of the way it should be, go make it what you want it to be!!

This was brought on my an internet forward about what you've done in your life. I do not regret my life at all but I'd like to have more experiences. I don't want to get into a rut of watching TV every night. That's not the example I want my kids to have.

Anyway, Here is my list so far:
01.Buy everyone in a bar a drink
(seems like a nice thing to do)
02.Eat a hotdog from a vendor in New York City
(I've been told I don't really want to do this but I think since I have kids it can't really hurt me.)
03.Dance at a dance club
04.Take an expensive sports car for a test drive and drive real fast
05.Have high tea in England
06.Make a quilt
07.Visit a vineyard and have a glass of wine while I’m there
08.Rent a convertible and Bed & Breakfast Hop through New England in the fall
09.Visit Paris
10.Take an Alaskan Cruise
11.Touch an iceberg (I really want to lick one but I think I know better.)
12.Grow and eat my own vegetables
13.Visit all 50 states
14.Whale Watch
15.Eat potatoes in Ireland
16.Walk on the Great Wall of China
17.Take a martial arts class
18.Ride a gondola in Venice
19.Get a tattoo
20.Play in a fountain in Las Vegas
21.Get arrested (maybe for playing in a fountain in Las Vegas)
22.Learn Spanish almost fluently
23.Take a hike in the mountains
24.Take a bicycle tour in a European country
25.Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge
26.Publish an article for Christian publication
27.Learn to ride a horse
28.Go on an photo tour (African Safari would be memorable)
29.Visit the Grand Canyon
30.Shave my head (I really wonder how much time I could save.)
31.Pet a dolphin
32.Do a mission trip that serves an orphanage in a foreign country
33.Snow ski
34.Take or send my mom on a trip to Spain (Her parents wouldn't help her go when she won a trip in H.S.)
35.Take or send my dad to Scotland
(His grandfather was a Campbell and a Duke that abducated to come to America.)
36.Enter my husband in a great dad or great husband contest
37.Walk on the beach in Hawaii (Who wouldn't?)
38.Stay at an old lodge in Canada
39.Hug a monkey

What do you think?

25/07: Per Marisa's request

Ok, I am bad at this blogging thing. I'm just hacked off at all the crap advertising I'm getting from all of this. I HATE IT!!!! Does anyone else have this problem?

Let's see....What's new?

I'm officially a bad mother. My two and half year old got out of the house last week and we had to call the police to help find her. I was expecting "Protect and Serve" but what I got was threatened that if my daughter got out again then they were going to call Social Services on me! What the heck?!?!?!? Obviously that didn't sit well with me considering I fostered and adopted this child and they compared me to the looser of a mother she had originally. I couldn't believe it. Will I call them again for help? NO! The officer was probably younger than I am, had a buzz cut, and a power trip. Somehow he expects me to keep both eyes on her every waking moment until she turns 18 and her older brother and her younger brother and provide wholesome meals and keep the house sanitary and keep a full time job so I can pay taxes so he can have a paycheck so he can belittle me on the one time she gets away from me!!! A _ _ -H _ _ _!

What else.....?

We're moving....again. (No I do not have commitment issues - I really don't like moving this much.) Bought a house that I am so excited about so we're moving out of the parsonage this weekend. New house is bigger, newer, sits on an acre just out-side of city limits and has an above-ground pool. We won't fill it up this year though. I want the kids to take swimming lessons first (aren't I a horrible parent!) and it's too late in the season to mess with it anyway.

Giving up on my Bunco team. Couldn't find 12 women to do it.

My 19th year old, recently graduated brother wants to get married this fall to his girlfriend of less than a year (also a recent graduate). And of course none of us know anything about marraige so everything we say is just mean.

I am happy to report that my nephew finally went home from the hospital! He's been there since birth (July 7th) because he wasn't able to breathe well on his own. We almost lost him but thanks to many prayers he made an incredible recovery and is now at home waiting for me to come visit!

Which brings me to a question. Is he just as much my nephew as Nathan's because he's Nathan's sister's son? I want to go visit but we can't go a whole family because Nathan cannot take any time off and he works on the weekends. He said I can't go without him because it's "his" nephew. Would you go see your sister-in-law's baby without her brother?

Ok, I won't try to cram 3 or 4 months worth of stuff into one day. I'll try to get better.

Ciao!

12/05: Cruisin

I just spent half an hour deleting "comments" from advertisers. It really makes me made that they would do that. I just want to give them a virus or something.

But I would rather tell you about my cruise. It was great. But surprisingly, a little long. I think if I ever do it again I will do 5 days not 7. I missed my kids and since I'm not a partier we kinda ran out of things to do.

But we did get to play some Bingo - was only 2 numbers away from the big Jackpot - $2,700+! Stupid old people. We also participated is a few games and trivia sessions. We learned the Merange which was fun and educational. But Nathan didn't like it.

We mainly laid on our balcony reading books. I read 3 romance novels in 4 days. I usually don't allow myself to read them (I think their addictive and they give girls unrealistic expectations) and frankly when do I have time to read anything but it was a nice treat reserved only for such an occasion. But to make up for my frivilousness, on the plane ride home I read 1/2 of Steven Covey's book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People". Very good so far but not as easy of a read as my novels.

The food was good. Everyone thinks it's Fabulous but maybe I'm not cultured enough to know the difference. It was just good. But I got to try duck (good) and snails (yuck) and chilled soup (good). It was a fun experience. The cheesecake was always warm though so I didn't care for it.

We didn't end up going horse back riding because it was raining and Nate was over the weight limit (no he is not fat, they are just small horses with bad backs). But I did get my massage and a facial which were both great. Nate got one too after he specified he would not have a man rub hot oils over his body. I enjoyed it and so did Nathan but he couldn't enjoy it too much because of how much it cost. But he was a good sport and I was worth it!!!!

All in all, I would recommend a cruise. Unless you have teenagers and then I would forbid it.